we have officially lost it.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
