Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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