I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
