Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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