already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
