are you still at the devil's house?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize