i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My cat gives me a boner
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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