who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
