Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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