She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
