i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
