Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
dude. I can hear the air.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize