So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
