Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
