Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
