I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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