But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
