you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
