im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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