I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
