In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize