end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Is Oprah even human
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
