are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
