I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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