he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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