She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This is the high leading the old right now
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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