Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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