he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
