good thing vaginas are great cup holders
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
