Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
