It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize