I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
