After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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