So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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