Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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