he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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