Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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