okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
