I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
