What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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