I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
