My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
ok first of all what the fuck
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
