so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
