Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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