i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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