FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
