he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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