I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
