I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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