man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize