So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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