So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
