high people should be assigned attendants
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
