the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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