70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
