Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
