fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize
