wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
