when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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