thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
