it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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