don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
