Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
