I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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