But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
