Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
