i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
