I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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