idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
