Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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