there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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