If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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